end of life care

The person who is ill may have very clear thoughts about what he or she wants in terms of care at the end of life, but family members may not agree. This situation can make things very difficult for the professionals involved. They are legally and ethically bound to follow the patient's wishes. If all the paperwork is complete and available, then there is no question about what will be done.

Death and dying are not topics we talk about easily in our culture. As a general rule, in fact, we avoid them, almost as if to talk about them would bring on a premature demise. As a result, many families are unaware of their loved one's wishes at the end of life and are faced with making difficult decisions. This can lead to family discord and can make a trying situation even harder than it already is.

For help with this important conversation, the Living Will and Health Care Power of Attorney, contact the Community Partnership for End of Life Care. Advance directives are legal documents that specify your health care wishes if you are unable to speak for yourself. Each state has its own approved form. Most forms describe several options for end-of-life care and can be used to provide any additional instructions a person may want to include. You may change your advance directive whenever you choose.

It’s a big decision to have Mom or Dad move into a smaller living situation. Often more emotionally challenging, however, are the many little decisions your relative must make about what to keep and what to let go. Possessions, from furniture to garden tools, hold many dear memories. Giving them up forces recognition that one day your loved one's life will come to a close. The first step to reduce emotional strain is to allow plenty of time. Senior move experts recommend a minimum of three months lead-time. Consider these steps:

Worry is useful when it calls us to action. But it's a problem when it becomes an ongoing state of mind. It can become a habit, bringing tension and stress. If you're a worrier, you may have mixed feelings. It may seem that worry keeps you on your toes; yet it makes you edgy and distracted, interfering with your sleep and peace of mind. Relieving the stress of worry doesn't mean you have to stop worrying. Here are some strategies to harness the positives of worry and keep the rest in balance:

Bone fractures are more common than you might think. According to the National Osteoporosis Foundation, "a woman’s risk of breaking a hip due to osteoporosis is equal to her risk of breast, ovarian and uterine cancer combined. A man age 50 or older is more likely to break a bone due to osteoporosis than he is to get prostate cancer." Hip fractures are serious injuries that often result in an older adult's inability to live independently. People most likely to fracture a hip due to osteoporosis are:

Suppose your loved one was in a coma or unable to speak. If you had to make healthcare decisions for him or her, would you know what to say? Making the choices that are right for your relative requires knowing his or her preferences in advance. But starting the conversation can feel awkward. Use a soft approach. Make it about your need to know versus their being frail. Choose a place that is comfortable and quiet. And allow plenty of time. Some possible starters:

Are you helping support a loved one? Perhaps you and several family members are each giving a little bit. Don't overlook a potential tax benefit. One of you may be able to claim the elder as a dependent. First, your loved one must meet IRS guidelines to qualify as a dependent:

Depression in older adults is very common. It is also very treatable. If you suspect depression, the first step is to have your relative talk with a medical professional. He or she can check for other health conditions. You want to get an exact diagnosis. Studies show that 60% to 80% of older adults who receive appropriate treatment for depression do feel better. Antidepressant medication is the most common approach. Things to know about antidepressants:

Many families choose to have a family member care for an aging parent. It seems like the "natural" thing to do. But all too often, unspoken assumptions lead to family conflict. For instance, when is caring done "for love"? At what point should a family member get paid for their time? What if they have to cut back on income-earning activities in order to help? A good solution is to prepare a written "caregiver agreement" before the first dollar is paid.