Helpful Reading for Davie County Residents Coping with Loss

Once an advance directive for healthcare is complete, most of us want to set it aside as "DONE." But circumstances, priorities, and preferences all change with time. Consider a review and an update with any of these life events:

When you read about "successful aging," the focus is often how well an elder has maintained physical health. How mentally sharp he or she has remained. How much he or she has stayed socially engaged. Without doubt, studies link seniors' quality of life with physical, mental, and social activity. But what happens when your loved one loses the ability to pursue physical exercise? When social options are limited by lack of transportation? When memory problems make it harder to engage with favorite hobbies or interests?

If you are caring for a parent or parents who abused or neglected you in childhood, your situation is especially challenging. You may feel on an emotional tightrope, trying to keep your balance, with many conflicting feelings. For example,

In the context of serious illness, one's greatest fear is that the condition will be fatal. Feelings of hopelessness are common-and a life without hope is grim indeed. The challenge of terminal illness is to learn to live with dying, to find purpose and meaning even in the face of a limited future. Without purpose, you risk the death of emotions while you are still alive. Even if a condition is incurable, it is possible to have hope. It's simply that your definition of hope must change.

Once a year, encourage your relative to see the doctor for an “Annual Wellness Visit.” The purpose of this free exam is to catch emerging health problems early on. Identifying changes in thinking or memory is a primary reason for the visit. If the doctor detects problems, your relative will receive further tests. Screening for memory loss is invaluable. It can help

For help with this important conversation, the Living Will and Health Care Power of Attorney, contact the Community Partnership for End of Life Care. Advance directives are legal documents that specify your health care wishes if you are unable to speak for yourself. Each state has its own approved form. Most forms describe several options for end-of-life care and can be used to provide any additional instructions a person may want to include. You may change your advance directive whenever you choose.

Are you helping support a loved one? Perhaps you and several family members are each giving a little bit. Don't overlook a potential tax benefit. One of you may be able to claim the elder as a dependent. First, your loved one must meet IRS guidelines to qualify as a dependent:

180 DAYS. Six months. That’s the number of days we wish our patients and their families could benefit from our care. Unfortunately, most patients and families who experience hospice care wish they had called sooner. In fact, nearly eight out of 10 families express this sentiment. That’s the bad news. The good news is that once patients and families do connect with hospice, they immediately feel the burdens ease physically, emotionally, and often, financially.

When your family member is in pain, you are suffering too. The "mirror neurons" in our brains are programmed to recognize pain in others. That's good news, in that it arouses compassion and spurs us to action. But it can be bad news, too. When you're highly attuned to a loved one's pain, you're at higher risk of depression and self-neglect. Learn about pain management. Your ability to reduce your relative's experience of pain will help both of you.

Are you stretched thin, trying to work and care for your family member? You may be able to take job-protected time off. You won't get paid. But you are assured that you can come back to your same (or nearly the same) job. The national Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) gives eligible workers up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave time each year. You can use this time to address family or personal medical issues. It covers time off to